Confessions of a Guy Blogger ~ A Guest Post

Today we have Jonathan from Fishing for Ideas. Not only is he a ninja guy blogger, he's also a friend and quite hilarious. You're all in for a treat. Without further ado: Jonathan! *cue applause*

(Note to the readers of Abi’s blog: this is only the second time I’ve done a guest post before, so it is no fault of hers if I end up bombing this post. So do not unfollow her as she will return as soon as I untie her because obviously I hijacked her blog MWAHAHA I’m done with my rambling.)

Anyhow, shall we begin? (Yes that was rhetorical because I’m beginning no matter what you answer.)

Today we’re discussing GUY BLOGGERS. Yes, those strange creatures with blue and green and brown blogs that float conspicuously through the crowd of girl bloggers with pink and purple and red blogs.

Yup. We’re on the same page now, aren’t we? (also rhetorical; don’t answer that)

There’s a certain amount of mystery about these finicky creatures; a certain amount of wondering. What do these mysterious bloggers use as motivation? Why do they blog? Are all of them agreed on the fact that Pinterest is feminine? WHY DO THEY NOT USE A PINK OR PURPLE BLOG TEMPLATE?

Well my friends, you’re in luck, because I happen to be a guy blogger.

*gasps from the crowd*

No, you did not already know that from the title of this post. If you did then my dramatic effect is ruined and I refuse to accept the fact that my dramatic effect is ruined. Hence you did not already know that. (Don’t question me, I know these things. Also I can hypnotize people and I don’t want to have to do that to you.)

Anyhow. Random sidenote there.

ON TO THE ACTUAL POST

Today I present to you….

Notice the spine, since he claimed he was an alien in Camp ;)

Well. After that introduction I don’t even really need to write a post, do I?

(YUP YOU CALLED IT RHETORICAL AGAIN)

Buuuut I guess since I went to all this trouble to hijack Abi I should actually contribute something substantial.

Alright. Here goes. Brace yourself for the amount of epicness here. Also just a quick disclaimer before we begin: neither Abi or I are responsible if you are completely blown away and have a mental breakdown and need a few days of recovery. Just to clear that up here and now.

(fyi this is where I actually offer semi-helpful/structured information instead of just rambling so pay attention class)

SECRET #1: THE ONLY REASON WE HAVE A SEMI-SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF FOLLOWERS IS BECAUSE WE STICK OUT. SHH.

Because apparently we stick out. We’re basically just the ducks paddling through a pond 85% full of swans.  And while normally you wouldn’t want to stick out, in the blogiverse, it just means more publicity. And more publicity = followers. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BLOGGING SKILLS.  (Ok so maybe that helps a little? But that’s not relevant so moving on.)

SECRET #2: WE’RE PROBABLY NOT ALL AS TECHY AS WE SEEM, EVEN IF WE HAVE NERD GLASSES.

While some of us are extremely techy, this definitely IS NOT a general rule. Not all guys are super into computers and tech things. Of course those of us who are super techy are the ones who never have problems with their blog. (*cough*notme*cough*). So if the dude’s blog is imploding, he probably broke his blog html so give him a break. (DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT THIS MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME) If his blog looks gorgeous and you’ve never heard a reference to any problems whatsoever, he’s got this tech thing in the bag.

SECRET #4: SOMETIMES WE DON’T READ EVERY POST FROM EVERY BLOG WE SUBSCRIBE TO.

But let’s be real, guys. NOBODY DOES. LIKE WHO EVEN HAS TIME FOR THAT? So this point probably shouldn’t even be here because it’s more of a general blogging secret, not just something that applies to guys. Don’t tell anyone I let the cat out of the bag and I won’t have to hypnotize you, ok?

SECRET #5: WE ONLY KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING ABOUT HALF THE TIME. OTHER THAN THAT, WE JUST WING IT.

I would give more details on this but basically this post is a perfect example in and of itself. You’re welcome.

SECRET #6: FANGUYS ARE ACTUALLY A VALID THING. SURPRISE, SURPRISE.

I KNOW. ALL THIS TIME YOU THOUGH THERE WAS ONLY FANGIRLS. *pops that bubble* Yes, fanguys are definitely a thing. Although we definitely don’t have the numbers that fangirls do. Basically though this just gives what we say more weight. FEEL OUR POWER MWAHAHAHA.

SECRET #7: OUR SECRET IDENTITY = WAFFLE-ADORING DRAGONS. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

#SHOCKVALUE. HA I GOT YOU FOR A SECOND DIDN’T I?  Because I’m actually just kidding. Maybe.

SECRET #8: SOMETIMES WE ARE DEVIOUS AND WE SKIP REASONS. JUST TO SEE IF WE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT.

WE’RE BRILLIANT MASTERMINDS, WHAT CAN I SAY? We don’t always employ this tactic though. Just sometimes. But hey, if you realized there was a missing reason, kudos to you. I applaud your skills.

Of course, now that I told you all of this, the secret society of guy bloggers will have to send an assassin after me. The same assassin will probably come after you also, now that you have this secret information in your mind. HEAD FOR THE HILLS.

But hey, before they find you, you might as well find out everything you’ve wanted to know about guy bloggers. Anything you want to know? Ask me in the comments! Also, what’s your biggest blogging confession?

About the Author:

Jonathan Trout is a 17 year old homeschooler who loves Jesus, laughing, writing, and reading. He has a tendency to be mildly whimsical, and he’s definitely a ninja. His one weakness is sour patch, and he probably shouldn’t tell you that, but most everyone knows it anyways. Occasionally he writes about himself in third person. The best place to stalk him at is his blog, but be warned because he will probably stalk you back.

Ask Jonathan anything you can think of and then follow his blog!!!