Saturday, July 16, 2016

Sharing My Story ~ Chapter 1

*inhale* *exhale* I have decided to share the first chapter of Martin Hospitality with you all.


For those of you who don't know me that well, this is a big step for me. But now I have had my fantastic 5 alphas give me feedback and I have edited this first chapter to the best of my ability. So I feel like it's time to reward you for hanging around and listening to me blab about my story for so long :)

I would love to hear any feedback you have, negative or positive, as I was not very happy with the first drafts of this chapter. Firsts are so important for hooking your readers and making them stay for the entire book. I don't want to lose a single one of you, so please critique away! I promise you will not hurt my feelings. However, I can't promise that I will integrate all suggestions, so I don't want you to be offended if your wording change doesn't make it to publishing :)

If you'd like to know a little more about this story, I have some details on My Writings page. Thanks for your time. I hope you enjoy!!

Chapter 1
The tip of a young woman's shoe caught on a protruding nail. Gemma battled gravity until her hands and knees slapped the concrete. Her stomach lurched. A whimper escaped her lips and she straightened, cursing the flight of rickety stairs. She shuffled into the adjoining room and took a seat in its dilapidated chair. Relieved to find it held her, she glanced around the greasy room. The stained and peeling floral wallpaper, dim lighting, and bare furnishings did not provide a welcoming ambiance.
I don’t care if I go. No one deserves a place like this.
A sigh broke free as she ventured a look at her watch. He was never on time.
Huffing and puffing and then an outcry of surprise met her ears as someone else took a tumble. No doubt it was the same nail. Gemma fought back a smile; already he was proving her point.
There was a moment’s pause and then the small man entered the room, chasing his glasses back up his nose in an agitated manner.
“Ah, Miss Ebworthy.”
Gemma offered an expectant smile as Mr. Winkle struggle with various facial contractions. He appeared to be digesting her knowledge of his mishap.
“I have reviewed your file. You are a s-sloppy and insensitive tenant. I ask that you leave.”
The young woman blinked. His decision did not surprise her, only the brief and formal means of communication. An all-too-familiar weight settled in the pit of her stomach.
“You work s-strange hours, are frequently s-sick, thus disturbing other residents, and are irregular on your payments.”
Why do you think I work strange hours? She bit her tongue to keep her thoughts to herself, something she had gotten very good at around her landlord.
“How long do I have, sir?” Her voice sounded helpless, even to her, and she hated herself for it.
“Don’t you s-start none of that s-sir business with me!” He shook a finger and backed away as if she were a rabid animal about to lunge. Politeness always struck this mousy pessimist as a conspiracy.
“How long?” she repeated, growing testy.
“Um . . .” He glanced over his piece of paper with fluttering hands. “An hour.”
Her heart sank further. There was no possible way she could find new lodgings with notice that short. Oh well, so be it. She stood to go, a great weariness settling upon her. Her hand went to her midriff out of instinct.
“I’m very sorry,” Winkle mumbled. His pity must have overcome him. Even his nervous stutter had the grace to disappear for a moment.
Gemma swallowed the replies that came to mind and nodded. “Goodbye.”
She shut the door with haste so he could not delay her further.
Gemma trudged back up the stairs and hastily gathered her few belongings. Within minutes, she lugged a moth-eaten backpack out of the building for the last time. She took one last glance at its grim exterior before marching down the sidewalk. The shoddy apartment, under perpetual construction, held little sentimental value, but several hours ago where she would sleep tonight had not been an issue.
Now she only had a backpack that tugged at her shoulders.
Coming to the first intersection on the country road, she looked about her. What are you gonna do now, Miss Ebworthy? A squat building with a blue sign caught her attention: a postal office. She begged a piece of paper and jotted a quick note that she postmarked to Austin, Texas.
Gemma never could recall with clarity what she did after that. How long did she walk? The first time she looked up, she was no longer on the excuse for a sidewalk in the dingy part of town, but had reached a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. She smiled at her luck; her swollen ankles had begun throbbing. Perched on the small green bench, she retrieved her jar of savings from the backpack and counted it out. Eighty-seven dollars and three cents. She could not afford to waste a penny.
How much did a bus ticket even cost? Where did she even want to go? Wichita was nearby, but the cost of living would be out of her present means.
The intense summer heat caused her to fidget as she tried to make a decision. Why couldn’t this bus stop be covered?
Gemma tucked the jar back into her bag and plunged into the tall cornfield behind her. It would be at least another half hour before a bus would arrive. The least she could do was find some shade and rest a while.
After keeping a straight path for several minutes, worry began to plague her since she hadn’t encountered any trees. Her eyelids were heavy and her head throbbed. If only she had thought to bring water; her tongue was sticking to the roof of her mouth.
Bravely she tromped for what seemed like the normal length of a cornfield in one direction and then another. She began to doubt her decisionmany of the stalks towered over her, obscuring her sense of direction.
Finally, she sat right where she stood and tucked herself against the row of tall, green stalks. They provided some shade, at least. Gemma tried tasting the under-ripe kernels, but found them tart, firm, and dry. She threw the ear into the field with a grumble and rested her head on the palms of her hands.
When Gemma awoke, the differences in her surroundings startled her. The sun had almost set and crickets had begun to chirp. She had undoubtedly missed the bus. She shrugged her backpack onto her shoulders and pushed herself to her feet. Fear gripped her heart; she had no inkling which direction she came from. Her heart raced and her stomach twisted. She had watched too many horror movies to want to stay out in the dark alone. Nothing carnivorous will be in a field of vegetables. Just pick a path and stick to it. There was a good chance she could find the road again since the cornfield bordered an intersection.
She gripped her backpack and steeled her nerves. The corn rustled, growing in noise as she increased her speed. Holding her breath helped keep her imagination from going places she forbade.
Minutes passed and she grew more and more afraid. It was pitch black now. She couldn’t hear cars; she couldn’t see lights. No hope was in sight. She swatted mosquitoes with mounting frustration and wiped the humidity from her brow. Someone help me!
As the first tears began to slide down her cheeks, suddenly stalks no longer clawed her arms and face. Gemma stumbled to a stop in the openness that enveloped her. The cornfield began again a few feet in front of her, but a sliver of open dirt stretched to her right and left.
“A road!” She hung her head and exhaled a shaky laugh. At long last, a shred of hope. She slipped her backpack off her shoulders and rested it at her feet. Her shoulders pulsed in relief.
An owl hooted, making her start. Without further delay, she hefted her backpack and followed the road to her right at a brisk pace. She clutched her bulky backpack closer. Her stomach was beginning to cramp. The uneven road made her feet cry louder and she felt lightheaded from exhaustion and hunger.
“Please, please, please.” She heard the owl again, this time beside her. “Please be almost there. Please!” Something soft brushed her arm and she stumbled to the side. It’s just a bird. Keep going! Her stomach turned to lead at the thought. Going where?
The owl was determined to deter her, however, for it dived again, its talons sticking in her tangled hair.
She screamed and freed her hands to swat at it. The fluttering of large wings and raucous cries said the nocturnal creature was just as surprised. Long seconds passed before it liberated itself and swooped back to its hollow.
Gemma shook and fought to regain even breathing as she watched its large eyes blink in the distance. It had only been trying to frighten her away from its home. If she kept going, it would leave her alone.
Terrified and disoriented, she turned back to her path in the heavy moonlight. A childish laugh of glee escaped her as she spied a structure mere yards away. Lifting her backpack off the ground once more, she forced her feet forward a few more paces. She tugged on the wooden door, relieved she possessed the ability to heave it open. Several horses pricked their ears and peered back at her with sleep in their eyes.
Gemma cringed as she splashed handfuls of water into her mouth from the nearby trough. It was lukewarm but wet, and her body thanked her. She pushed passed the stalls that lined the walls until she came to one piled with straw. She breathed out a sigh and collapsed into the loose pile of prickly hay, her backpack sufficing as a pillow. Sleep could not claim her fast enough.

~~~~~

A young man buried his head in his feather pillow with a groan. Any minute his mother would remind him he had chores before breakfast. He could already hear pots clanging in the kitchen and smell bacon frying.
Several more minutes of sacred silence and then, “Josiah, get to your chores, please.”
Josiah dragged himself out from under the covers and peered out the window. The sun was just beginning to tint the morning air pink. He dressed with haste and stumbled down the stairs, trying to shake his grogginess. Tugging on his boots, he stepped out into the dim light. The morning almost felt cool, but still the air was thick with moisture. He could almost swat it away like he did mosquitoes.
He jaunted to the barn just a short way off to the left and wondered why the door sat slightly ajar. He shrugged it off, stepping inside and inhaling the dank smell of hay, oats, and horses. His scoop plunged into the bag that held their breakfast and he stroked each velvety nose in turn before offering them the oats. They were too hungry to want attention this time of day.
He passed the stall that held loose hay and what his peripheral relayed caused oats to patter onto the floor in his surprise. How on earth had she gotten there? He quickly surveyed the barn for any signs of vandalism or theftnothing. Josiah stooped to look at the strange girl and consider what to do.
The girl’s long blonde hair was strewn in front of her face, much as his fair-haired sisters appeared when they slept. But what caught his attention was how thin and frail she looked in contrast to her defined stomach. A large cut on her face made his brow crease. She was doubtless in need of assistance and could use a good breakfast. His brain reasoned through the best way to wake her up without frightening her.
One of his younger sister popped her head into the barn. “Josiah, Momma says to–”
Perfect! He held up a finger and motioned for her to be silent.
Little girls, this one in particular, found it hard to leave a sentence dangling, but Josiah smiled as her curiosity overcame her. Her brown eyes grew wide as she tiptoed to her brother’s side and saw the pale face amidst the hay.
“Mariah, go get Momma,” Josiah whispered, shooing her out.
She scampered to obey with a large grin, always delighted to be the bearer of unusual news.
He studied the sleeping stranger again, trying to discern her circumstance. Due to the size of her bag, she didn’t own much, but was headed somewhere. How in the world had she ended up here, an easy mile from anything?
Mariah’s shouts could be heard across the farm and only a few moments passed before a woman, the very picture of maternal kindness, hurried into the barn.
“Josiah, what in the world?” Mrs. Martin sank to her knees to peer at the girl’s face. “The poor dear,” she whispered. “And expecting a baby, too. I wonder what kind of trouble she’s in?”
“Mom, you won’t have her stay, will you?” He could see where this was headed. It was even more vital they not make a hasty decision like this without Dad back.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she muttered. She passed a gentle and experienced hand over the stowaway’s knotted hair.
The girl’s eyelids fluttered and then her hollow eyes stared bewildered into the faces around her. She scuttled back into the pile of hay and clutched her backpack close. “W-where am I? Please don’t call the police!” she said when she had found her voice.
“We won’t, dear. You’ve managed to find your way to our farm.”
Her brown eyes whipped to Mrs. Martin’s face, distrustful.
“Look, we’re not going to hurt you. You just surprised us, that’s all.” Josiah did his best to sound reassuring.
“I’m sorry I intruded. I’ll be going now.” She took the offered hand and started for the door.
“Are you sure there’s nothing we can do for you?” Mrs. Martin asked.
Josiah watched her stop brushing herself off and study the sympathetic eyes. “Like what?”
“A hot meal and shower, maybe? Just tell us your name and we’ll help you.”
Resolve replaced the indecision on the wan face. “I can’t. Please just don’t . . . do anything. I need to go.”
Mrs. Martin opened her mouth to protest as the girl scurried outside, but Josiah placed his hand on her arm. “Mom, you can’t force charity on someone. This is probably for the best, don’t you think?”
“No, I do not think.” She displaced his hand and followed the waif out of the barn. “Please come in—just for a few minutes. We’ve got pancakes on. Aren’t you hungry?” The soft, brown eyes pleaded with her.
Josiah tried not to smile at his mother’s well-played manipulation as the last of the girl’s resolve melted away.
“All right. Just for a few minutes.”
Josiah strengthened his convictions on the matter. Wonderful. Let’s see how long this one stays. He considered the girl as she followed them into the house, glancing around her. How could such an innocent and youthful face have gotten into so much trouble? She was probably younger than him, which would put her right out of highschool.
“Do you have a name?” he asked.
Her doe eyes met his without wavering. “Gemma.”
“Well, Gemma, just for today, everything’s going to be all right.”
One glance at her and he knew they led vastly different lives. And yet, as he looked into her face, there was a glimmer of trust. He grinned as a small smile alighted her lips. Maybe this one won’t be so bad after all.

~~~~~
*cringes* Thoughts?

32 comments:

  1. The writing style was so gooddd!

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  2. Oh, I like it!!! I already love Josiah, and I'm really curious about Gemma. :)
    One things that kinda confused me...because his mom was calling him for chores, I thought Josiah was twelve or thirteen. Since he's older, wouldn't he just get up and do them on his own?
    But that was literally the only thing that confused me! Everything else was awesome, and it definitely makes me want to read more!

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    1. Yay!!! :D Ah, Josiah is completely my favorite and I think it kinda shows sometimes :P Good, you're supposed to be curious ;)

      Ah, that makes sense. I don't like to start out naming the age of a character when they're first introduced, so I rely on conveying it. So I'll definitely do that scene a little different :)

      I'm so glad!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH, I cannot wait to have this finished so all of you can read it at your leisure :D

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  3. Abi, this is so beautiful!!! I can not wait to read more! You have a beautiful writing style that really drew me in. Your imagery is so clear and in my minds eye everything is colored with golden light. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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    1. Oh my goodness!! I'm so glad! There's nothing more I could ask for. And golden light totally fits ;) Thanks for commenting, Lydia :D

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  4. Wow, Abi!! It's so interesting, and I quite like your writing style :D

    One thing I did notice, though, is that your sentence structure doesn't vary a lot. Generally, your sentences start with a pronoun (he/she) and then a past-tense verb and a few other words (because I am NOT a grammar freak and don't know what to call "other words" XD). I'd suggest trying to mix it up a bit, like you did in the last scene, with Mrs Martin, Josiah, and Gemma :)
    Also, I found that you didn't use the characters names a bunch. So maybe just change a he (she) into a Josiah (Gemma) every so often when it sounds like it'd fit.

    But other than that, I really enjoyed it, and would want to read more!

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    1. Thanks, Hann!

      Ah, those are both good points. I will try and change it up a little more and watch for that in coming chapters.

      Yay!! Thanks so much for your thoughtful read ^.^

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  5. AGASHMAHAHALKEJGHLAKJEWFLAKEUFJAEKFAHLEKJCLHWUHFLAKSJFHLAKJWEFCLKAJSDHCW

    ME LOVESSSSSS

    GIVEITTOMEEEEEEE

    *hugs post*

    ASDFJLWEKJGLHAEKJSGLAWEKJF

    ALKJGALHWEKJGLHAEWKUGJAEW

    ehemmmm. I love Josiah. AHHHHH. And I love his family. And I'm really curious about who Gemma is and what she's been through. I already care about her too, which is really good! Well done! <3

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    1. AAAAAAHHH! This comment made me smile so much :DDDD

      I love Josiah too and it shows quite a bit I think ^.^ I started off having no idea what I would make half of Josiah's siblings like but now they all have a clear personality in my mind :)

      Yay! You're supposed to be curious. And it's perfect that you're already starting to care about her }:) *evil chuckle*

      And I'm so glad you agree, Hann ^.^

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  6. AH AND YOUR IMAGERY

    FORGOT TO MENTION THAT

    ASDFJALSKJGHAELKSJFAS

    SO WELL WRITTEN!

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    1. Really?!?! I feel like I REALLY struggle with imagery. I'll try hard to make it just as good in all the other 32 chapters and epilogue :P THANK YOOOOOOOUUUUUU :D

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  7. This is my first time commenting, but I just have to tell you- that was so good! I want to read more...will you be posting more of the book on your blog? I would love it if you would :) Great job!
    ~Abigail

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    1. Thanks so much for commenting, Abigail :) I'm SO glad you enjoyed it! I haven't decided if I will post more on my blog or not. But I will be asking for beta readers to read my entire book for me during the month of September and give me feedback so that I can give it another polish before I send it to a professional editor. ;)

      Thank you! (And I love your name ;) )

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  8. This is my first time commenting, but I just have to tell you- that was so good! I want to read more...will you be posting more of the book on your blog? I would love it if you would :) Great job!
    ~Abigail

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  9. YIPPIEEE!!!!! So proud of you!!!! People are going to love your beautiful book. ( FYI, This first chapter is much improved from when I first read it. :) ) Your book is A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

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    1. Thank you, dear!!! :D Aw, you're so sweet to say so (especially since you have the inside scoop!). I'm so glad you think it's better. I have not been very happy with it until now D: Thanks for taking the time to read through it again! It's been very fun to get everyone's feedback ^.^

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  10. I don't see why you cringed when asking for our thoughts. Your story is wonderful. About how old is Josiah supposed to be though? I was a little...don't worry, not much, but a LITTLE confused where to put him age wise.
    You did an excellent job describing your characters though, and I loved the beginning with the nail. :) It did an excellent job sucking me right into the story.

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    1. I guess because even when /I'm/ good with it, I wonder if people of today are really going to enjoy the genre and characters that I've grown up with for the last year :) Silly, so I'm glad you liked it!! :P

      Ah, you are not the first person to mention Josiah's age to me, so I will try to make that a little clearer ;) And I'd tell you his age, but I want it to be self-revealed ;)

      Aw, thanks!! Hehe, I'm glad you liked the beginning. I had an author friend tell me that starting it with a bang would help suck people in ;)

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  11. This was pretty darn good. I really liked the description and how your words flowed. Josiah seems like a pretty interesting character... hm... I hope I can afford it when it comes out! There was no need to cringe, it was pretty good.

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    1. Thank you :) Yeeesss, Josiah is my favorite, so I'm glad you're interested in him!

      Yay! No cringing is my goal :P Thanks for reading it, Grace :D

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  12. I really liked it, you have a great style, and the way you describe things is really nice, and provides a good visual.

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  13. Eek! Love it! Can I pretty please preorder a signed copy!?!?!?! :D I am so intrigued! I would have liked a little more reason for why she was evicted, but maybe that will come later in the book. :) So excited!
    You mentioned in a comment above that you will be taking beta readers; I would love to be one if you are willing!
    Keep writing Abigayle! I can't wait! :D

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    1. Awww, you totally made my day!

      That's good to know--I'll make sure to expound on it later :)

      I'm taking beta readers Tuesday!! So of course you may be one! :D And I'd love for you to pre-order when I get around to setting all that up! ^.^

      Thank you so much, Sarah! :D

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  14. Ah, this looks great! I can tell you put a lot of polishing into it. Josiah seems super nice, as well as the rest of his family. The one thing that stood out to me to correct was the part where Josiah wonders how she got out there "an easy mile from anything."
    A mile isn't really that far in my experience, my grandparents live a mile from me and it takes me about ten minutes to walk to their house, or less. I feel like it might need to be a bit of a bigger distance? That's my only criticism though. Great work!

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    1. So glad you enjoyed it!

      That's a very good point! I'll be sure to tweak that. Thank you!!! :D

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  15. This is a reeeeallly old post now, but I can't just NOT comment. ;P

    Firstly, this story already seems soooo sweet!!! :) Gemma and Josiah both seem like such lovable characters. And, your writing is superb. Seriously. :D

    No critiquing from me, just wanted to let you know I enjoyed. :)

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    1. Psh, you're good. I'm still replying to the comments xD

      THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Seriously, what else would I want to hear? *sniff* I'm so glad you commented :DDDD ^.^

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  16. Ok! That was amazing! I WANT TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER! That is such a good start to the book, I love your style! I too, like many others it seems, lurrrve Josiah, Josiah is actually one of my favourite names so I lurrrve him even more!
    How old are Josiah and Gemma? Or do I have to wait to read the book 'cos I TOTALLY WILL!
    Xx

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    1. Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! Your praise means a lot :D

      Josiah is 19 and Gemma is 18 :) That may not be immediately apparent in this chapter, but it becomes more so ;)

      I would say you'd have to wait till it's published BUT, I am currently accepting beta readers. So if you have time to read the entire novel in the month of September, then sign up over at my most recent post: http://theleft-handedtypist.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-moment-youve-all-been-waiting-for.html If you don't have time for that, then watch for pre-ordering opportunities toward Christmas time :D

      Thanks so much for your interest, Amber! It means SO much ^.^

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